By Nurture Connection
In today’s culture, fatherhood is at a crossroads.
On one hand, the image of the hands-on, emotionally attuned dad is more visible than ever. On the other, outdated expectations — of stoicism, distance, and bravado — continue to shape how society sees men as parents. For many fathers, stepping into a nurturing role means navigating these beliefs and assumptions: that caregiving is women’s work, that strength means withholding, and that showing up with tenderness is somehow a departure from masculinity rather than a deeper expression of it.
But what if embracing nurturing care is a strength — not just for mothers but for fathers as well?
This Father’s Day, we hear from three fatherhood champions who are reframing the roles dads play in children’s early lives through advocacy, research, and authentic narratives about fatherhood. Alvin Thomas, Robert Harris, and Steven Thibert believe that fatherhood is both an opportunity and a responsibility. Their work offers a compelling argument: that when systems supporting children and families place value in fatherhood and provide resources to help fathers thrive in their role as caregivers, everyone benefits.
“You can’t be focused on families or on child health without also being equally serious about the health and involvement of fathers,” says Alvin Thomas, PhD, clinical psychologist, researcher, and associate professor of human development and family studies in the School of Human Ecology at the University of Wisconsin in Madison. Dr. Thomas also founded and hosts the The Black Fathers’ Pulse podcast, which “aims to educate, validate, and elevate Black Fatherhood to help strengthen individuals, families, and communities.”
Finding Your Way: Fathers Shaping Identity
Together, these fatherhood champions are helping lead a shift in how we understand both parenting and masculinity, which is critical to reshaping how fathers understand their unique roles.
“Masculinity at its most toxic is just fragile. It’s a boy afraid of being anything less than who he is,” says Robert Harris, an early childhood mental health expert and research instructor at Georgetown University’s Thrive Center for Children, Families, and Communities. “And so he wraps himself in all these other identities that the world says he ought to have.”
Dr. Thomas agrees, uncovering these identities’ deeper roots.
“Boys are not learning to nurture. . . . They’re learning to compete. They’re learning to conquer. They’re learning to provide and protect,” says Dr. Thomas. “And so I think we [need to] heal from that — and reach back and provide support to boys who are growing up. And as you’re growing, think about what it might be like to be a father 10, 20 years from now.”
“You can’t be focused on families or on child health without also being equally serious about the health and involvement of fathers.”
—Alvin Thomas, PhD
The Message Matters: Fatherhood Is Early Relational Health
In systems that were designed to keep women at home and men in the workplace, the legacy and reality are in conflict — at a disadvantage to families. These systems perpetuate the idea of moms as primary caregivers (even as they have to work, too), and fathers don’t always receive the message that they share the responsibility of parenting.
“The way our institutions operate is that the default survival of a child is based solely on Mom. And that comes from all the way back where the tradition was that Mom stayed home and took care of the kids, and Dad went out in the fields and brought home the bacon,” says Dr. Thomas. “And today, that specific kind of division of labor and economy is very different, yet we are still functioning in that same mentality.”
But there’s a path forward — a new message for fathers. Systems meant to support families can affirm fathers’ responsibility to care for children in doctors’ offices, design parenting classes for them, and normalize the role of fathers as nurturing caregivers.
Or, as Harris says, “you don’t need to congratulate me for walking my kids. They’re my kids. I’m not babysitting them. They’re my responsibility.”
But fathers have to believe this as well. “[Too often] fathers buy into the idea that all an infant is going to do is breastfeed, poop, and sleep. I can’t do anything,” says Steven Thibert, an advocate with the Washington Fatherhood Council (WA State) and Nurture Connection parent leader and Steering Committee member. “But actually you can. Many dads just don’t know any better, and that’s where the education piece comes in.”
“We need more men who are conscious of the responsibility of what it means to be a present and nurturing father and choose to step into that.”
—Robert Harris
Redefining Presence in Fatherhood
Fathers aren’t a monolith. Perspectives on presence, connection, and relationships can vary depending on life experiences. Oftentimes, these perspectives are generational.
“My dad, who has trauma, was there. He coached my baseball teams. He put a roof over our head. He provided financially. But he wasn’t there for me emotionally or mentally like I wish he would’ve been,” says Thibert. “If you knew me 12 years ago, I was a completely different person. I had so many deep wounds. I really had to do deep work within myself.”
Thibert acknowledges that society often reinforces unhealthy images of what it means to be a man — and by extension, a father.
Dr. Thomas adds, “You are allowed two emotions [as a man]: anger and aggression. If you’re happy, you show it with aggression. If you’re sad, you show it with anger.”
But many fathers are pushing back on these limitations. “What it truly means to be a man is to be able to process emotions in a positive way. That’s how you teach the next generation of younger men how to be a man,” says Thibert. “I tell my son I love him often. I teach him how to express emotions and to not bottle things up.”
“We need more men who are conscious of the responsibility of what it means to be a present and nurturing father and choose to step into that,” says Harris.
“What it truly means to be a man is to be able to process emotions in a positive way. That’s how you teach the next generation of younger men how to be a man . . . I tell my son I love him often. I teach him how to express emotions and to not bottle things up.”
—Steven Thibert
Sharing the Load, Shifting the Culture
These three fathers — Dr. Thomas, Harris, and Thibert — realize their work has a purpose that extends beyond challenging outdated parenting roles and perceptions. Their advocacy is about building a culture in which every single parent is valued and supported with the resources and information they need to provide nurturing caregiving to their children in their earliest years.
So this Father’s Day, Nurture Connection is proud to join forces with fathers who’re promoting Early Relational Health (ERH) and modeling for themselves and their families what it means to embed healthy connections into our ways of life as families and communities — for the sake and love of our children and future generations to come.
At its heart, Nurture Connection is an Early Relational Health field catalyst comprised of an engaged, insightful community of parents, caregivers, researchers, medical professionals, philanthropists, early childhood systems leaders, and policymakers dedicated to ensuring every child has strong, nurturing relationships during their earliest, formative years.
Our “Reflecting Forward” series features guest articles and reflections by dedicated members of our national network, from across the country — who are advancing the Early Relational Health field through practice, research, and parent leadership. These reflections pave paths forward for transforming early childhood systems and imagining new possibilities for children, families, and communities.